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Friday, February 20, 2009

picture day

dear readers,

today was picture day for all the baseball players. the white sox' mugshots are slowly coming up on yahoo sports, and though not all the players have been uploaded, so far they're looking good.

jd (shown left), jeff marquez (below and on the right side of the blog-sorry, having some formatting problems here!), and the ever adorable pidgeon-toed octavio dotel (lovingly referred to by me as 'octavius do-tell'-thank 'dj' darren jackson for coming up with that one; shown below and left) looked cute in their mugshots, however, like always, there are always a few anomolies.

such an example was bartolo colon. until i saw bartolo colon's mugshot, i didnt realize how fat he really was (plus, he needed to shave). its like this: you just know picture day is not the right time to be photographed. until mom fixes your hair and reminds you to smile, you just know that something's gonna come up and the pic won't come out nice. yeah, that tub-o-lard you see below is the infamous bartolo colon. not that i dont have anything against the big fella, but given that this pic is goin up on the white sox website and soon enough it will adorn entries on countless sports blogs all over the blogosphere, make at least a half-ass attempt to look nice.

speaking of half-assing looking nice for the team pic, i wonder if q (that would be carlos quentin-that hungry fella who's biting his bat in the picture below) remembered to smile for his team pic. normally he does not and that bugs me cuz he's got a really cute smile (plus he's a total cutie when he smiles). this year he's got some reasons to smile in his team pic-he's a happy newlywed, he's virtually cemented his legacy here in chicago, and he's got good dental work (im a dentist's kid-the first thing i look at is people's teeth!!). if he didnt, im gonna whup him (just kidding-i wouldnt whup my favorite baseball player-he's huge and i would likely die from that fight)!! i promise that when his mugshot goes live, i'll post it here too.

speaking of q, his bff brian anderson (lovingly called 'ba'; and i can honestly call ba q's bff cuz everywhere q goes, ba's always with him: wedding, some bar with john danks and a woman who looked suspicously like q's new bride) went live. to be honest, he looks like he's getting the shocker or something else up an unmentionable orfice. just not comfortable at all. but then again, i heard ba gets more ass then a toilet seat so why should this be a surprise? ---------->

there were also some surprises. paulie shaved his goatee! i knew from pictures that paulie had shaved his beard, but i didnt think it was permanent! he doesnt look bad w/o the beard, but to be honest, it looks...different. might take a little getting used to.

now its aj's turn. i cant go an entry about the white sox without a piece of aj. i call this man my dad's twin cuz if you saw a picture of my dad 30 yrs ago and aj today, you would see a frightening resemblance. i know aj went bleach blonde again-i saw that in spring training videos. im a little torn between which picture i should upload of aj-the one where he looks like he's about to kill someone (see below)
or the more friendly one. (see below)i guess i'll upload both.

jim thome was looking jolly. didnt appear that he slept much cuz his eyes are all bloodshot. could just be the dry arizona air. judge for yourself cuz i dont figure thome to be a drinker. -------->

now to the pitchers: first on my hitlist is the great bobby jenks (see left). he's earned a reputation as an untouchable (almost) closer who will shut down the opposing batters. unfortunately, dying your beard bleach blonde for the team photo probably wasnt the smartest thing. it appears that a dust mop has settled on our closers' chin and it aint goin anywhere anytime soon.

the second target on my pitcher list is ehren wassermann. this guy was a rookie last year and was injured most of the time, if my memory serves me right. normally, i wouldnt care 1 way or another about this guy, but when i saw his picture, i knew there was some material there. to be honest, i feel a little bad for poking fun of his picture cuz he looks absolutely terrified in it, but it was sitting there, ripe for poking with my sarcastic pen (well, keyboard more like), screaming 'pick me!' so i did. at least its nicer than joba chamberlain's now-infamous up-my-nose team mugshot (or as someone on 'big league stew' commented 'joba being asked: "how's life now that johnny damon has moved into your garage?"').

i guess i'll be signing off for the night. if carlos quentin's picture doesnt go live by midnight tonight, i'll put it up for sure tomorrow. i'll be monitoring the search engines till midnight. after that, it's goin up tomorrow. he's the only 1 im waiting on.

good night and go white sox!!
**update**-looks like q's picture isnt coming up. I CANT FIND IT ANYWHERE!!!! looks like you guys will just have to wait a little longer >:[


  1. Bartolo Colon is still a better athlete than Sidney Ponson.
    Never in my life have I been more unimpressed by a professional athlete.

    And also, I never realized Tam Tam was a lady.