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Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year's Reflections

It's New Years Eve, and I wanted to take a moment to reflect on this past year as well as share my hopes for the upcoming one.

Like everything else, this year has had its ups and downs. Hubby and I moved up in the world by moving into a newer, clean trailer, I had a baby, my shitty job laid me off so I could spend my time at home being a mommy, and I returned to blogging. On the other hand, some family conflicts still persist, we still live on the razor's edge of destitution, and my husband's haters still pop up from time to time to try and make our lives miserable.

The highlight of my year, and the start of a new life

Becoming a parent has changed me in many ways. I feel a bond with both my husband and my child that I have never previously felt before with any other human being. It's empowering because I now find myself being motivated to do things and to prioritize goals that I would never otherwise have paid much attention towards. Prior to my daughter's birth, I had very little exposure to infants or small children, the idea being that I was to focus on establishing a career with family coming later on. This enforced isolation affected me negatively, as I always had a strong maternal instinct and burying it caused a great deal of distress.

But God is merciful.

When I had my daughter, I had no trouble bonding with her and even now, I don't find it awkward at all to play with her or baby talk to her. My empathy and tolerance of other children has increased exponentially too. My baby was God's way of telling me "don't worry, I got your back". Of course, parenthood has its challenges. Learning to read the baby's signals, running on a few hours of sleep, finding places to feed, dealing with fussiness in public places, and sickness are all part of learning to be a parent. Oh, and the never-ending mountains of laundry or poopy diapers.

Parenthood has also spurned me into playing a bigger role in running the household. When I worked at that horrid call center, I went to work and left my husband at home to take care of things like the dishes and housework. He did his honey-dos, even if the rotten condition of our old trailer didn't exactly reflect on his efforts at cleanliness and order. There was only so much we could do to keep that shitty beer can clean and habitable. With the new trailer, and a new family, I could finally exercise my skills in domesticity. I still hate housework, but I've gotten to the point where I will do it without complaining.

Though it was late in the year, 2015 was the year my husband finally found some means of paid employment after nearly 10 years out of the workforce due to political manipulation and serious health issues. I suppose some of the bastards who blackballed his career are now dead, which is one reason why he is now beginning to find some employment. It's hard to maintain a shit list when the maintainers are dying off. Those many years my husband spent unemployed and was unemployable were years of much suffering. But, as he put it, some of it was necessary in order for him to become the person that he is today. He still suffers from health issues, but he is in a far greater place today than he ever was in his previous life. He always wanted to be a provider and caretaker for his family, a privilege that was long denied to him until we met. Now, he can live out that goal for all of us.

Employment cost him his hair

Looking forward to 2016, Hubby and I will work on trying to expanding our family. We want more children, and happily accept whichever ones God sends our way and when they arrive. This time next year, I may have another baby in my arms or have another one on the way. Maybe I will have multiples, though twins are not common in either of our families.

I also look forward to growing my blog in the coming year. I enjoy writing about my family, and I hope to supplement our household income with it. I'm still figuring out the whole "make money by blogging" thing, and hope to bring in enough at some point to help cover the expenses of raising a family. Bear with me as I revamp and expand my blog to make it both user friendly and profitable. I may even resume sports blogging in the near future too.

Thus I end 2015.

Happy New Year everyone!

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